What I Learned About Faith From Stephen Ministry
In 2013 I embarked on a journey that would change my spiritual life. Through my church at the time, I had read about a ministry group called "Stephen Ministers". Having always been interested in serving others and a predilection for all things psychological and self-help, I signed up for a 2 month training course. For those who are not aware, Stephen Ministry is an ecumenical helping ministry whereby a Stephen Minister is the care giver to another person (a care received). Ministers are not there to cure the other person, that is what the receiver can do with the help of resources and God. This story is about my time with my first care receiver. We will call him Randal to protect his family.
Randal was staying at a local rehab facility not too far from my home. From what I was told, he had taken a big fall and was recovering from a new hip. His wife, who was dealing with real failure was doing time at a local hospital. They had been apart for weeks and the stress of not being able to be there for his wife was causing him great distress. He requested a Stephen Minister through our mutual church. I had known of Randal but had never met him.
Walking through the halls of the facility, I continued to try and focus on Randal's situation and give a little prayer to help make our first meeting a soft place for him to land. I was unsure what I would be walking in to when I knocked on his door. For me, this was a giant step not only spiritually, but also the act felt a little out of the ordinary - uncomfortable but yet there was a sense of purpose - necessity to take care of Randal as best as I was trained.
Knocking, I poked my head in to find Randal in a wheel chair, watching TV and in good spirits. Not at all what I had built up the first meeting to be. For some reason, I expected him to be in bed, sullen, and not much into talking. Quite the opposite. Randal took it upon himself to grab his cane, stand up from the chair and walk towards me to shake my hand. I explained who I was and he was delighted that I took the time to meet him. We hit it off right away.
The courage I mustered to walk into a strangers room was other-worldly for me. Bu default, I am an introvert and never really had a strong sense of community. Here I was, a changed person after my ministry training, filled with God and wanting to make a difference. Randal and I kept things fairly light this initial meeting and he mentioned that he was being released the next day and asking if we could meet again the following week in his home. I agreed. As we departed, he must have been able to tell I was tad uncomfortable - all the same he asked me to pray with him. We held hands and I led. Being in the moment, I recapped our meeting and thanked God for being able to connect. I left feeling truly moved as if filled with love.
Our meetings went on like this for a few months. Mostly, he would tell me about his family, now all grown up, where they lived, what he did before he retired, and coming up as a child. One of our later session, Randal divulged to me that he and his brother had been molested as children by a local grocer. It happened first to his brother and then, perhaps in order to save himself, his brother introduced Randal to this person and the abuse started in on Randal. He was hurt and confused about not only how this man could do this to children but how Randal's brother could have done this to his own brother. I sat glued and listed and held space for him to recall the events.
This is not something that typically Stephen Ministers handle. Your garden variety Stephen Minister is there to help people through illness, the loss of a family member, and generally when things fall apart and people look to spiritual guidance. I was so grateful that he shared his story with me and I did what I was trained to do and explained that he would be wise to seek professional counsel with a therapist.
He had told me that he had been seeing therapists for years and showed me the tray of prescription drugs that he took to cope. We met a few more times after then. But, I wound up taking on a new position that had me traveling. Randal ended up becoming more ill and eventually I heard of his passing. I regret not checking in on him more. We became close. Even if he ruminated on his past and I listened. It made me feel touched to be present with him. I would have called us friends by the end of the experience.
Why am I telling all of this? It's not to promote Stephen Ministry (Though I do recommend). We all need someone to talk to, share life with, become intimate about our deepest concerns and belief challenges. Trauma is not for a friend to solve but a friend goes a long way to be present and hold space for someone who is just trying to make sense of the non-sense.
Faith has taught me to reach out to others and even situations to accept them for what and who they are so that I may gain purchase on a deeper revelations. People give constantly and it is important to allow yourself to receive. This is what faith is about. Opening yourself up to be vulnerable to the uncertainty that things may or may not work out in your favor. And that is OK.